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Human, Woman, Wife, Mother, Daughter, Sister, Friend & Aspiring Unicorn Breeder

3.22.2012

Modern Conveniences.

My dishwasher has been acting wonky as of late and finally decided to go completely kaput last night. Not only did this leave me with a huge sink full of dishes to wash & dry by hand, it left me with a dishwasher full of dishes to hand wash & dry as well. Now 20 years ago I'd probably be scoffed at and called spoiled for complaining about this... I'm sure there are some folks out there right now that are rolling their eyes. But when you have 5 adult sized people to cook for, you generate a LOT of dishes, and it honestly sucks to stand over a sink for 2 hours washing dishes after you've stood over a stove for 2 hours preparing a meal.

Well today, as I was scrubbing caked on oatmeal from a bowl, I thought about our modern "conveniences." And pretty much everything we humans rely on is actually a convenience and not something we must have to survive. You can argue that you have to have a car, or that you have to have a toilet... But you really don't need those things any more than I need a dishwasher, they're just convenient. For instance, my dad and father-in-law used outhouses growing up. If they needed to take a dump at 2 o'clock in the morning in 5 degree weather with a foot of snow outside, they trekked their happy asses on out to the outhouse. It used to be that you rode a horse to get somewhere, if you were lucky, and everyone else simply walked for hours and miles to get to their destination. Sure, walking 15 miles to work everyday may be a difficulty, but it can be done.... it's simply (a lot) more convenient to drive. In fact, the only things we actually need are food, water, shelter, and sometimes clothing (depending on the weather). All of which we can get with our own two hands. When you get right down to it, everything we rely on today is a convenience. And quite frankly, I think a lot of it's made us lazy and crazy. We've become a society of faster, faster, faster... easier, easier, easier... more, more, more. And we get angry, angry, angry when our wants that we call needs are not met now, now, now.

I'm not gonna lie... at first I was not happy with having to scrub all of those dishes. But after thinking about all that, I got an idea. I called all of my kids downstairs, got an assembly line going (washer, rinser, dyer, put'er-awayer), got the conversation flowing... and turned sucky dish washing time into quality family time. I think my middle kid actually enjoyed it because he stayed downstairs and helped me cook dinner on his own accord. So I believe that from now on, when I lose a convenience, I'll give myself a few minutes to be pissy.. and then I'll get over it and realize all of the awesomeness that comes from not having it anymore.

©Flippa Bird
(Convenience: anything that saves or simplifies, adds to ones ease or comfort, etc., as an appliance, utensil, or the like. *from dictionary.com*)
Photograph By: Me

3.21.2012

Public Service Announcement!

My Hubby told me today that I need to write "an article" on the dangers of tongue piercings, (I think he meant a blog post, but God bless him for thinking that highly of my writing). So here goes...

Do not, I repeat, do NOT ever get your tongue pierced.

I had friends warn me of the dangers before I had it done, but I didn't listen and did it anyway (and I do thank you for no "I told you so's" friends). Unfortunately I'm now paying the price. I've never had a single cavity in my entire 37 years of existence. I have beautiful, strong, straight, white, shiny teeth. I brush and floss maniacally obsessively regularly... but now, because of a metal tongue stud, I've had to have two root canals due to cracked teeth. And more than likely I'll have to have two or three more.

Here's why: It's extremely easy to chomp down on the metal ball while eating, (actually it's extremely difficult not to chomp down on the metal ball while eating)... which is exactly what happened to me. I chomped down and cracked my back teeth. So for that one measly little metal ball in my mouth, I've now gone through five dental procedures (three of which were horribly painful), It's cost over $2700.00 (thank God for insurance), and I still have two more dental procedures to go through. On the bright side I have one shiny gold tooth.

So if you feel like being cute and getting your tongue pierced, JUST. SAY. NO. Go get a tattoo instead.

Flippa Bird
(Bad arse Duck-Face-Wanna-Be-Pirate-Rapper with a new gold tooth!)
Photo & Crappy Edits By: Me

3.20.2012

Needs.

Sometimes I crave romance. Ok, that's a big fat lie.... actually a lot of times I crave romance. I'm the type of chick, (not unlike most chicks I think), that want the fairy-tale-movie-ending in my everyday life. Which is pretty much straight up impossible when you have 3 kids, 4 pets, bills, reality, and a Husband in school.

However it's not totally impossible. I think a lot of times we women expect our men folk to read our minds. We crave romance, but don't say anything, and then pout and feel let down when we don't get it. I learned a long time ago that my Husband can't read my mind. No matter how hard I try to project my thoughts to him, it's just not going to happen until I tell him. Most men, (not all, but most), are dense when it comes to picking up subtle hints and clues from body language, tone of voice, and so on, (unless you're yelling or spreading your legs). So in the past several years I've gotten to where I just tell my Hubby, "Hey... I'm getting bored and you need to romance me." It's not that he's not romantic on a daily basis... because he is and that's very important. But sometimes I just need to be swept off my feet in a big grandiose way. Hey... Don't judge me.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago I told my Hubby that I needed more romance. He quietly plotted and planned... and then a few days before the romantic surprise made the mistake of telling me he had a romantic surprise planned. So of course I made cute faces and was generally annoying until he let it slip: He had planned a day at a quaint vineyard I'd been wanting to visit for years. The fact that he even remembered that I wanted to go there was a surprise in itself and made my heart melt.

The morning of our big day he made me breakfast in bed and presented me with a bright bouquet of daisies and mums. He drove us to the lovely little vineyard where we had a wine tasting and a delightful lunch. We talked and laughed and laughed some more... we even slow danced to kitschy french music under the veranda while the rain fell out on the field. He bought me little presents and made me feel like a spoiled princess. And when we came home that evening, well... let's just say I made sure he was happy too. It really was a wonderfully romantic day for both of us!

I guess my whole point to this particular post is: a.) My Hubby rocks my socks, and b.) If you need something, (whether it's romance, affection, time, etc.), from your significant other, let them know. You'll probably get it!

©Flippa Bird
(Victoria Vally Vineyards)
Photograph By: Me

3.12.2012

Alive & Kicking.

When I feel like my life is completely and utterly horrible my Husband (gently) reminds me that there are literally millions of people in the world who would love to have my "problems": I'm healthy, I have a husband who adores me, I have three smart & healthy kids, both my parents are still alive, I live in a nice house, I have great girlfriends that I get to hang out with on a regular basis, I have a decent car that gets me where I need to go, I have good health insurance, I have food to put on the table, I get to buy that really soft toilet paper that feels like angel wings on my tushy.... and on and on he goes until I feel stupid for feeling like life is so horrible and I stop him to concede that yes, life is pretty darn good.

And the thing is, even if I didn't have any of those things, the fact that I'm alive and kicking to see another day is a wonderful gift in itself, and one that should not be wasted constantly drowning in a sea self pity.

Sure we are going to face a crisis, (or two... or hundreds), in our lives. But most of the crappy events in our life are beyond our control. So instead of harping on them all of the time, maybe we should take those crappy moments and remember the positive things in our lives.... because even if the only positive thing in your life right now is the fact that you're still breathing, remember this: a corpse no longer has that luxury.

"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have." ~ Frederick Keonig

Flippa Bird
(So I'm not a zombie... yet. And that's a good thing!)
Photo by: Me & Some App on My Cell Phone

3.11.2012

No! I Don't Wanna!

Being a Christian is hard. Honestly, being a non-believer is much, much easier, because sometimes God asks things of you that you really just don't want to do. Like really don't want to do. Impossible seeming things.

I don't know how God speaks to other people. I think everyone can hear Him speak if they listen. Maybe each person "hears" differently... I don't know. But He literally speaks to me, like talks in an audible voice that I can hear. And no. I'm not crazy. He does this because He knows I'm hard headed, I'm a skeptic, and seeing the amazing world around me and hearing the wind or some crap like that just isn't enough for me.... I can't believe in "signs" and such, I don't trust that. I need a voice directing me and He knows this - (and yes, I know that I'm probably the brattiest of his children). It's not often that I hear Him, and no... it's not in a "get a gun and kill everyone at the mall" kind of way either. He talks to me when He needs to. I've not shared this with many people because when I do they a). Think I'm off my rocker, or b). Ask me what he's said... and I just feel like my relationship with him is personal. Which leads me to this...

Today He asked me to do something that I don't know if I can do. The Bible asks us to spread the Word. Well I am not pushy when it comes to being a Christian because that personally turns me away faster than anything else in the universe. So I don't generally talk to people about it other than to ask questions when I have them... but I don't push my faith on others. Ok, so maybe sometimes I'll post a cool verse on FaceBook for everyone to see, but only on my own wall... I don't go throwing it at people who I know don't want to hear it. But other than that, I don't try to let people know about God and I don't really talk about it with people who aren't Christians. I just don't. So not only did He ask me to share my faith, what He asked is pretty daunting for me. I'm pretty sure for any other Christian in the world it would be the simplest thing. But nope. Not for me. This just feels like a huge crappy burden to me. Ughhh... Seriously?!

Being a Christian is hard. Honestly, being a non-believer is much, much easier, because sometimes God asks things of you that you really just don't want to do. Like really don't want to do. Impossible seeming things. But I'm going to do what He's asked of me. So any believers out there, the whole reason I posted this... Will ya' pray for me? I could really use it.

©Flippa Bird
(Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends.)
Photography by: Me

3.05.2012

Fine Dining + Babies = NO.

My Hubby is super busy with school and work lately, but we still make time once a week to go out on a date... generally we go to a nice restaurant. We've been doing this for years, our entire marriage really. It's a quiet time for us to reconnect over a good meal. Because Hubby's so busy with work, our dates have been happening during non-traditional date hours. So instead of a Friday or Saturday night date, we may go on a Sunday afternoon, like we did yesterday.

As of yesterday I've decided someone needs to open an ADULTS ONLY restaurant. I think it's the best idea in the world. Maybe even the universe. It's not that I don't like kids, because I do. Kinda. But we obviously don't take our kids with us when we go to a fancy restaurant, so I get extremely aggravated when other people do and I have to listen to them.

For instance, yesterday we went to a nice restaurant for lunch where the average price of an entree is $20. We were seated right next to a couple with small children. I immediately asked to be moved. But I didn't want to be rude, so I asked for something a little more secluded instead of saying, "Look bitch, do you see me here with kids? No? Well I don't want to be seated next to any bratty little shits, so move me." We were then seated in a corner.... surrounded by two more families with small children and babies. Some of which were screaming. At that point we paid the $6 dollars for our sodas (yes, $6 for sodas... before the tip) and we left.

My question to parents is this: WHY bring your kids to an expensive restaurant? What is the point?! Sure, I know you want a nice meal, I can understand that because sometimes I do too. But how about waiting until you have a sitter so the rest of us can dine in peace?! Until then, maybe you should take your grubby, squalling spawn to McDonald's, or hell even Denny's if you're feeling fancy... because really, they can't even eat a $30 piece of prime rib, and even if they could they wouldn't appreciate it like they would a chicken mcnugget. And sure, I understand that there are going to be kids at McDonald's, IHOP, Applebees, or the like... but not at a fancy steak house or high class sushi joint. I love my kids with all of my heart, but when they were noisy little babies and kids, we left their asses at home when we went out to a fine dining establishment, because babies/kids simply don't belong there.

Don't have access to a sitter? Too bad, that shouldn't be everyone elses problem. Make it carry out if you're just craving good food that bad... put your kids to bed and have some romantic time in your dining room. But don't subject everyone else to your kids, because all those sounds you think are so sweet and cute... all those whines, cries and screams you've grown accustomed to and are able to drown out? Well they just get on everyone elses 'effing nerves and ruin our perfectly good dining experience. So yes, I propose that someone come up with an adults only restaurant: Ban small children and babies... at the very least make it to where no one under 13 is allowed (<--and if they act bad, boot them out too). I know the mere thought of that would make some parents very angry, but I really don't care. I'm a parent that likes my adult time.

©Flippa Bird
(Love this place, kids don't. Keep them out.)
Photograph by: Me