The Hubby and I were in Wally-World this morning perusing the Easter candy aisle when that fact hit me: They're almost grown! It was so overwhelming and so gut-wrenchingly sad to me that I had to leave the store so I could cry in the semi-privacy of my car. I cried all the way home and for a good 30 minutes once we got home. And I didn't just cry. I broke down and sobbed... the kind of crying where snot and tears are all over your face, you can't breath because your nose is so clogged, and your face gets horribly red and puffy (and stays that way for an hour afterward). My heart feels broken. Where the hell has the time gone?? What happened to my babies...
My relationship with my children is different now. I can no longer snuggle and cuddle up with my boys (thank God my daughter still loves cuddling), and there's no more silly baby talk... I talk to them as the budding adults they are. I still get "I love yous" and occasional hugs, but not as often as I did when their voices were sweeter and their arms smaller. They are often out with their friends now, instead of with me filling our home with the lovely sounds of happy children... Sometimes it's just too quiet. Soon, in just a couple of years, they will be gone from our home and have lives of their own that don't involve me on a daily basis. I just don't think I'm ready for that. When they're being total teenage pain in the arses, yeah I'm ready for it... but not really.
Parenting is so rewarding. It's one of the happiest, most satisfying endeavors I've ever embarked upon... but it's also very painful and filled with loss. No one tells you about that part. I'm definitely feeling that part today. And now I'm crying again, damnit.
(Way back when...)
(When I was taller than everyone.)
(They all tower over me now.)
Photo By: My Hubby