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Human, Woman, Wife, Mother, Daughter, Sister, Friend & Aspiring Unicorn Breeder

6.22.2012

Time to Wake Up.

Remember how I said God has to really get my attention for me to listen? Well, it's true. He does. I'm really hard-headed and don't pay attention until something is smacking me in the face... and usually it's something I don't want to hear.

Last night my dreams were filled with a deepness I've not experienced in a long time. Normally I remember my dreams immediately upon waking, but this morning I couldn't. All I could recall was that they were meaningful. And that really bothered me. I hate not being able to remember my dreams... especially if they're meaningful!! So I sat and pondered on it for a minute until it hit me....

I dreamed I was in an open air cafe eating with my family. It was very busy, the food was wonderful, and we were having a nice time. A man was seated across from us with his little daughter, with my back facing them. The little girl walked over, stood right next to me, and stared at me. And she wouldn't stop either. It annoyed me immensely, so I asked her to go back to her father and sit down. She stood there for a while, but eventually did. She kept coming back, sometimes babbling, sometimes quiet, but all the while staring at me. I kept sending her back, and got angrier and angrier, but didn't want to create a scene in the crowded restaurant, so I internalized the anger. I was boiling inside! She came and stood by me, staring yet again, a final time and I couldn't take it anymore. With my voice full of venom, I hissed at her to go sit back down and to not bother me again. She was visibly upset by this, but I didn't care... I was angry at my meal being interrupted. I turned back to my meal, angrier than ever. And then her father stood up.... He berated me in front of the entire cafe. He yelled at me for being so hateful and said terrible things to me and about me, in front of everyone. Here's the kicker: Everything he said was true. I sat there for a minute, humiliated & stunned, deciding on how to respond when it hit me.... I could ignore him (which I'm not good at doing), I could angrily defend myself (which is what I wanted to do), or I could diffuse the situation and apologize (which I hate doing). I thought it over for a bit, weighing my options when it occurred to me that I'm trying to be a better person, I'm trying to be more like Jesus. So I stood up, walked over to him, and in front of everyone apologized for being rude and ugly to his daughter. I admitted that all of the terrible things he said were true and I humbled myself before him, his little girl, my family, and the entire restaurant. I felt ashamed, but I also felt like a weight had been lifted. I felt relief. The man nodded and went back to his meal. I sat back down with a red face and continued mine. And then I woke up.

Once I remembered this dream, I knew I needed counsel, so opened my Bible and started reading. Wouldn't you know, this is what I read:

3 Dear brothers and sisters, not many of you should become teachers in the church, for we who teach will be judged more strictly. 2 Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.

3 We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. 4 And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. 5 In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches.
But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. 6 And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.

7 People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, 8 but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. 9 Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. 10 And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! 11 Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water? 12 Does a fig tree produce olives, or a grapevine produce figs? No, and you can’t draw fresh water from a salty spring.

13 If you are wise and understand God’s ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom. 14 But if you are bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your heart, don’t cover up the truth with boasting and lying. 15 For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic. 16 For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.

17 But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. 18 And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness.

Lately I've been very quick to spout off when I'm angry. I've hurt a lot of peoples feelings. I think someone is trying to tell me something. And I think I need to listen.

 ©Flippa Bird
(Marples looking all sad)
Photo By: Me

6.18.2012

Goals & $hit.

I know 40 is a scary age for some folks, but it's really not for me. For me 30 was horrifying. I took a week off of work and cried the entire time over the loss of my youth. Then I was over it. To be honest, most of my 30's sucked for me. And truthfully my 20's weren't much better. But as I age, and everything evens out, I feel better than I ever have. So I'm welcoming 40! And when I greet it, I want to be utterly fabulous. So the other week I decided to make a list of things I want to accomplish before I turn the big 4-0... (which is about 2 1/2 years away).

The first thing isn't something I necessarily want to do. It's something I have to do and something I've been harping about forever... which is to lose weight. I think I've tried pretty much every trick, gimmick and fad on the market. I've bought prepackaged foods, bars, shakes, attended meetings, joined groups, taken pills, counted points, joined strenuous boot-camps and lazy gyms, had plastic surgery, worn idiotic bracelets, etc, etc. And none of it has done a damn thing for me long term. Sure I could take a pill, drink shakes all day, or starve myself again.... but once I stop those things, the weight just piles back on. I've been there and I've done that and I'm not doing it again. So I'm going to do something I've never tried before. An idea completely foreign to most of us fat people. I'm going to use self control when it comes to food and get off my arse & exercise. Wow. What a concept, right? I don't want to burn out so I'm starting slowly. I'm not even going to step on a scale at this point. I just want to get into the habit of working out at least 4 days a week, (I'm up to 2 days a week for the past month... Yay!) Once I've mastered that, then I'll work on the eating thing. I figure I've got 2 1/2 years to get down to my goal of a size 8 (or approximately 130 lbs), so this gives me plenty of time. Even if I don't get thinner, at least I'll be healthier!

The second thing I want to do is learn to speak Spanish (fairly) fluently. Half of me is Hispanic and I don't even know how to speak it. That's just sad. And there's absolutely no excuse for it! My Mom knows how to speak it, (even if she tries to act like she doesn't). My Grandparents spoke it. All of the aunts, uncles, and a lot of cousins speak it. So why don't I?! I can make a mean pastele, but I can't carry on a conversation in Spanish with a relative. Sheesh. Sure, I look all whitey, but inside I'm a fiery little Latina. Ok, ok... a fiery little Latina who doesn't know her cabeza from her culo when it comes to Spanish; but that's ok, I got this. It's definitely time to learn!

The final thing I want to do is learn to play the guitar. I've wanted to learn since I was a little girl. I even had a guitar, but my Dad flaked out on teaching me & sold my guitar when he married my step-mom... and I lost heart after that. But here's the great thing: I don't even need to pay for lessons! My middle child is a little genius on the guitar, (thanks to God given talent & a good teacher), so I'm going to have him teach me. Not only will I learn to play, but it'll be great bonding time for us and he'll get to feel superior to me, which all teenagers love. I just have to talk him into it.... that'll be the hardest part. Ha!

So that's it. Just three (not so) little things. But I think I can, I think I can... Time to get my caboose in gear. Woot woot!

© Flippa Bird
(Me at 37 1/2)
Pic By: Me

6.05.2012

Traffic Court

I had to take my mom to traffic court today. We were sitting right next to the booth where everyone presented their tickets, and we ended up being the last people in line to be seen, so I got to hear a lot of  bull-shit excuses and pleas from the weird assortment of folks there. I gotta say, if I were a cop I'd probably add even more fines and points to these peoples tickets, just based on the lameness of the excuses. I might even end up shooting someone out of sheer frustration, (I kid).

One spoiled little college girl's reasoning for the points on her ticket being dropped was because her daddy was going to drop her from his insurance if he knew she got a ticket... and she already had to pay her own car payment which she didn't think was fair. She then went on to say that he paid for her apartment, her college, and her bills. WTH. That's what's not fair. She even offered to pay an extra $200 on her ticket if the cop would drop the points. The cop wasn't buying it. I wanted to slap her. Then there was the weaselly middle aged guy trying to say that he wasn't speeding in a school zone, and it didn't even count as a school zone because he didn't see a sign, so the cop needed to get rid of his ticket all together. He looked like a child molester. Personally, I would have given him a ginormous fine strictly based on that one thing... You look like a chomo, $500 and 4 points! And then came the scantily clad bleached blond woman just a few years younger than me (but looking about 10 years older with her too tanned wrinkly face). When the cop asked her what she had to say about her ticket she told him she needed it dropped because she had gotten a ticket in January... and then another in March, so she just couldn't have anymore points on her record. She said this as she smiled coyly, played with her hair, and stuck out her flat butt in an attempt to make it look like a real ass. Turns out she was going 69 in a 45 and her two prior tickets were for the same thing. Thankfully the cop was oblivious to her charms whorishness and the ticket stayed. I secretly cheered. Then came the very rotund, obvious lesbian. She ran her mouth, got loud, tried to be tough, said she wasn't paying shit... and then backed down when the cop told her she could pay her ticket or talk to the judge. I had to cover my great big smile as she slumped away to pay. Even my mom tried to use the "I'm an old lady, I didn't understand" excuse. I told her to stop holding up the line, thanked the officer, and lead her on out.

There were other people and other excuses. So you ran a red light; pay your ticket. You got caught speeding; suck it up and take your medicine. You got a DUI; be glad you didn't kill anyone and get yourself a moped. I'm pretty sure that 99% of the people who come in are actually guilty of what's on their ticket. Even if you're not, who is the judge going to believe.... you or a cop? If you just fess up to it, and not waste everyone's time with crappy excuses, I'm pretty sure the cops would be more than willing to cut you some slack. Yes the economy is bad & no people don't have the extra money to pay huge tickets... but if you don't want to worry about it, then don't break the law.

©Flippa Bird
(Acting like a deer in the headlights...)
Photograph By: Me