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Human, Woman, Wife, Mother, Daughter, Sister, Friend & Aspiring Unicorn Breeder



I have learned that, sadly, I'm not good at gardening. The only things I have successfully grown are tomatoes (which won't turn red for some reason) and basil. I can grow the hell out of some basil. Maybe I'm secretly Italian? Who knows. I did get one ziplock bag-full harvest of green beans and about 10 zucchinis before I some how managed to kill those off. I got 2 eggplants too. My bell peppers never did anything and neither did my squash. They did grow from seeds into big old plants. I was really proud of that! But after that, nada. Now they are slowly dying. And so is everything else. I water it. I weed it. I brave the heat, piles of dog poop, and ant hills on my way to love on my garden. I planted marigolds to keep the bugs out. I sprinkled baking soda to keep the ants away. I even got stung by a wasp today while weeding the dang thing. But do my plants care? Oh no. They just shrivel up and die.

I had grand & wonderful dreams of canning & pickling, stocking my freezer, and giving away overflowing baskets of fresh veggies to my friends. "I have way too many tomatoes," I'd say smugly. They'd hug me and we'd all trot away happy and a little healthier. I had visions of making homemade salsa using only fresh ingredients from my garden... until my peppers decided not to do anything and my onions and cilantro perished. I suppose I can still make that shitty mild kind you get at the Mexican restaurants. You know, the kind that's just mushed up tomatoes (and nothing else). Only I can't because my tomatoes refuse to turn red. Damn you tomatoes. I think I officially give up.... For now. Maybe I'll try a winter garden.

©Flippa Bird
(The herbs... In happier times.)
Photo By: Me


Good v/s Bad

I've been thinking a lot lately about people. Specifically what makes someone good v/s bad. I know there is a huge nature v/s nurture debate and there is compelling evidence on both sides. But in reflecting on myself, and observing my own family, I'm starting to wonder if maybe people are simply born with tendencies toward the good or the bad.

Take me for example... I'm a nice enough person, but my natural inclination is to be crappy to people. I almost always think the worst of others and I'm prone to being mean, rude, and cruel. If a person needs help with something, I automatically think about the ramifications on myself before I'll help them. I'm naturally selfish and self-centered. I have to actively work on that part of myself to not be hateful, mischievous, and selfish because that behavior seems instinctual to me. But my Hubby on the other hand is the exact opposite. He thinks the best of everyone and is generous and kind to everyone he meets. If a person needs help with something, he automatically helps them with little or no thought to himself. He has to actually work on not being taken advantage of because he is so kind to others. Now we had markedly different upbringings. His home life was very stable and loving, whereas mine was very unstable and abusive. I guess that's one point for the nurture side. However, our own children have been raised in a fairly stable and very loving environment. Our middle child mirrors my Hubby in his selflessness, whereas our other two are a lot more like me. So one point for the nature side.

I personally think it's a nature issue. I think that people like to say it's a nurture issue, because if it really is nature, then we "bad folk" can use that as an excuse to keep being shitty: "It's genetic, I can't help it anymore than I can help the color of my skin!" But if it's nurture, then given enough good we can change. I don't think that's right though. I don't think we can change who we inherently are no matter what our circumstances may be. But I do think that we can chose to act better... even if our good & positive acts are just that: an act. I know I personally fight my nature every single minute of every single day. Sometimes I win and sometimes I don't. For me personally the Bible has been a big inspiration to act in a kind & positive way... although I did read last night that we shouldn't just act good, we need to really be good. Which got me to wondering... Why would God make me this way? And then I remembered that we have all been given crosses to bear. I suppose my cross is me.

 ©Flippa Bird
Photograph By: Me


...I Probably Think This Song Is About Me!

I think I've finally found my motivation for eating better & going to the gym on a regular basis. Vanity. Isn't that horrible?

The Hubby and I have been reading a book called "Younger Next Year." The premise of the book is as follows: We've evolved over a gazillion years to function a certain way and in the last 100 years or so we've deviated from that and now our bodies are going to hell in a hand basket because of it. The book says we need to work out, hard-core, at least an hour a day, a minimum of 6 days a week. We aren't supposed to eat processed, crap food. We need to be friends with vegetables and eat lots of them, along with lean proteins. It also says we're pack animals and need to maintain positive relationships to stay vibrant & healthy. It doesn't really focus on losing weight as much as it focuses on being and staying healthy into old age. Makes perfect sense to me.

Anyway, back to my vain little self, (of course).... I tried botox for the first time a couple of weeks ago. After I had it done I freaked out a lot little at the thought of having a deadly poison injected into my face. But after the results kicked in the deadly poison bothered me way less than the wrinkle-less forehead made me happy. Make sense? However, I can't botox my entire body into looking younger, (I'm pretty sure I'd be paralyzed if I did). And I don't want a lovely, smooth head sitting on an obese, wrinkly body. That just will not do. So I have to go to the gym. I have to. It's not a question of whether I feel up to it or not anymore. I have to look good; I have to feel good. So off to the gym I go. Every. Single. Day. (Except the occasional Sunday... Hey, God did say to take one day off to rest, right?!)

I've got the relationships thing down. My Hubby is my absolute best friend in the universe and we make sure we make time for one another as often as possible. I take at least one day a week to just hang out with my teenagers and really talk to them about their lives. I've got several good friends that I get out and about with on a fairly regular basis. I volunteer my time to BBBS which brings me, and my little, a lot of joy. I started a book club to expand my brain & socialize. I have a zoo bunch of animals that I dote on and in return they lower my blood pressure and reduce my stress levels, (or so I've read). So I think I'm all good in that department.

Ughhh... but the whole food thing... I have this lovelovelove-hate relationship with food. I love, love, love it! But I freaking hate how it makes me look and feel after I've consumed ridiculous amounts of it. Which is what I always tend to do, overindulge. So I'm trying to think of food as fuel, instead of the wonderfully orgasmic delight that it is. In other words: Eat what will make my body run better. Eat what will make my body look better. Don't overfill the tank. Don't underfill the tank. Find out the optimum amount of fuel I need to make my body run at it's peak performance. You have no idea how hard it is to do this!! And how utterly boring the food is when you're used to rich decadent sauce-laden nibbly things.... Sheesh! But again, this time I have vanity on my side. I didn't have that before. And that is a seriously powerful motivator for me. It took me aging a bit to finally take the reigns and say "Fuck this! I am not letting myself look like an old hag without a fight!" And I'm not. I refuse. So here I am... vain and determined. A deadly combo for that horrid aging process. But a damn good combo to keep me looking fantabulous and feeling healthy for a long, long while!

©Flippa Bird
(Gonna Look Like a Stripper... I'm Kidding)
Photo By: My Cousin L