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I have learned that, sadly, I'm not good at gardening. The only things I have successfully grown are tomatoes (which won't turn red for some reason) and basil. I can grow the hell out of some basil. Maybe I'm secretly Italian? Who knows. I did get one ziplock bag-full harvest of green beans and about 10 zucchinis before I some how managed to kill those off. I got 2 eggplants too. My bell peppers never did anything and neither did my squash. They did grow from seeds into big old plants. I was really proud of that! But after that, nada. Now they are slowly dying. And so is everything else. I water it. I weed it. I brave the heat, piles of dog poop, and ant hills on my way to love on my garden. I planted marigolds to keep the bugs out. I sprinkled baking soda to keep the ants away. I even got stung by a wasp today while weeding the dang thing. But do my plants care? Oh no. They just shrivel up and die.

I had grand & wonderful dreams of canning & pickling, stocking my freezer, and giving away overflowing baskets of fresh veggies to my friends. "I have way too many tomatoes," I'd say smugly. They'd hug me and we'd all trot away happy and a little healthier. I had visions of making homemade salsa using only fresh ingredients from my garden... until my peppers decided not to do anything and my onions and cilantro perished. I suppose I can still make that shitty mild kind you get at the Mexican restaurants. You know, the kind that's just mushed up tomatoes (and nothing else). Only I can't because my tomatoes refuse to turn red. Damn you tomatoes. I think I officially give up.... For now. Maybe I'll try a winter garden.

©Flippa Bird
(The herbs... In happier times.)
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