My photo
Human, Woman, Wife, Mother, Daughter, Sister, Friend & Aspiring Unicorn Breeder

10.19.2012

This Is Why I Hate It.

I don't generally watch TV. Movies, hell yes, but TV... not so much. However, every once in while when the Hubby is home with me, we'll lay in bed flipping through the channels, getting sucked into the train wreck that is reality TV. And every time we do this, I remember exactly why I don't like it.

Last night was no exception. We got stuck on a Real Housewives of Somewhere or Another for about 15 minutes before I threw my TV through the wall changed the channel. The gist of it went something like this: Bizarre woman with fish-like lips has a very wealthy boyfriend. He cheats on her. So she decides to chop off his penis and raid his bank account suck up to him and make him a fancy dinner. (I'm flabbergasted.) Anyway, she goes grocery shopping for the ingredients. She reads the grocery list. She doesn't know what a shallot is. (My anger rises... who the hell doesn't know what a shallot it?!) A few minutes later, back in her mansion apartment, she states says she's cooking risotto... al dante. (I lose it.)

Al - like the name.
Dante - um, yeah... like the name.

Oh, did I mention she's never cooked before? That part should have been obvious to me. She looked as if she'd never eaten before either.

I seriously don't get it. Are people really that stupid? And are people honestly attracted to other people who are that stupid? And why/how do I manage to get (momentarily) sucked in? Someone please tell me it's not real. Tell me reality TV is pretend, like wrestling, except the people look/act/sound just a lil' more ridiculous. It just blows my mind. Al Dante... Oh sweet baby Jesus, the travesty! TV OFF!!! *CLICK*

It's pronounced ahl-den-tay, bitch.

©Flippa Bird
(I'm no bizzaro barbie... but dang it, I can cook!)
Barbecue & potato hash frittata (topped with a homemade BBQ ranch sauce, garden tomatoes & parsley) and fried cheese croutons made from my son's leftover Applebees riblets & fries, kiddie cheese sticks, ground flax, & eggs.... because I'm a REAL Housewife. Ha!

10.17.2012

25 More Years.

Emmeline quickly ducked around a corner and shivered in the shadows, crouching down in a futile attempt to avoid being seen. It was pointless, really. She was physically trapped and she knew they knew she was there... she was emotionally spent and realized that even if her stupid survival instinct would try to keep her hidden, she would run no longer.

The woman had been following her all day, very subtly at first, but eventually brazenly stalking her. The woman was everywhere. And tonight, as Emmeline walked home from her shift at the cafe, this new person had entered the mix. He had simply begun walking beside the woman as she followed Emmeline.

Emmeline sat still, praying they would leave. She watched the two lithe figures intently, the one swathed in black and the other, the new one, a stark contrast in white. They were talking. She could not surmise what was being said, but it was about her, obviously.

White pointed in Emmeline's direction and shook his head.
Black tossed her head back, screeching in retort, "I am her Angel of Death!"
White frowned and shook his head again, violently this time.

Emmeline craned her head from the shadows, terrified but curious. They were arguing. She watched as the blows began. Terror drained from her and was replaced with something vastly more horrific. She couldn't move, so she closed her eyes.

She could hear bones snapping, flesh ripping, and the sound of her own heart pounding. Soon enough, though it felt like an eternity, all that remained was the pounding of her heart and footsteps heading her way. The fighting had stopped. She kept her eyes tightly shut.

Emmeline felt a warm, sticky hand on her cheek and her eyes snapped open.

The one in white, (now stained red), was kneeling beside her, his blood soaked hand still on her face. "I am your angel of mercy," he said smiling, "and I've bought you 25 more years."

At this, Emmeline promptly fainted.

©Flippa Bird
This weeks word is: 
The 3rd definition of BLACK ~ (done in 333 words).

10.16.2012

113 Words For the Rest of Us.

It's fleeting you know.
Gone before you know it, really.
It's seems rather far away.
But it's not.

While you're here,
for as long as you're allowed,
while you're still here...

Kiss.
Grin.
Pause.
Reach.
Joke.
Heal.
Serve.
Hug.
Jump.
Invite.
Love.
Breath.
Lay.
Touch.
Imagine.
Enjoy.
Release.
Notice.
Smell.
Fail.
Hold.
Sing.
Apologize.
Think.
Listen.
Rescue.
Play.
Taste.
Tell.
Hope.
Laugh.
Visit.
Rest.
Balance.
Bless.
Support.
Run.
Watch.
Open.
Guide.
Allow.
Educate.
Dance.
Change.
Repair.
Join.
Ask.
Walk.
Expand.
Trust.
Fix.
Speak.
Feel.
Explain.
Create.
Delight.
Learn.
Unite.
Search.
Thank.
Pray.

BE. AND. GIVE. IT. ALL.

Toss off the haze that shrouds you.
Take nothing for granted.
And live a little more.

Dedicated to JK. 

10.11.2012

Beth

She enjoyed goodbye
(she could not lie)
as she watched light fade from his eyes.
The shock, the slice, and then the flow
of a puddle made apropos.
Messy yes,
(she must confess)
but he deserved it... more or less.
He whispered, "Beth"
with his last breath.
Oh how she enjoyed playing Death!

Photo By: Me
This week's word is:

DEATH
1a : a permanent cessation of all vital functions : the end of life
b : an instance of dying <a disease causing many deaths>
2a : the cause or occasion of loss of life <drinking was the death of him>
b : a cause of ruin <the slander that was death to my character — Wilkie Collins>
3 capitalized : the destroyer of life represented usually as a skeleton with a scythe

Mwahahaha. Have fun.
Please remember:
  • Your response must be between 33 and 333 words.
  • You must use the 3rd definition of the given word in your post.
  • The word itself needs to be included in your response.
  • You may not use a variation of the word; it needs to be exactly as stated above.
  • Only one entry per writer.

More & More Random Thoughts

1. I read an article the other day about John Lennon and it made him seem like a huge asshole. I always thought hippies were peaceful. Smelly, but peaceful. I guess I was mistaken.

2. I joined a Bible study group. It started out good, but now it's an evangelism group. Not that that's bad, I just don't think it's for me. I honestly don't believe I'm there yet. I feel like I need to work on myself before I go around telling people about Jesus, seeing as I'm probably the worst Christian ever.

3. I'm becoming less and less tolerant of peoples bullshit... (see, I told you I'm a terrible Christian)... Maybe it's my old age, maybe I'm just plain hateful, or maybe I simply associate with too many idiots. I don't know. It's semantics at this point really.

4. Hopefully our oldest kid will be going off to a military school this month. He thinks he wants to join the military. I figure this is a safe way for him to realize that he doesn't.

5. ^Oh yeah... and he dropped out of school, so he kind of has to go.^

6. Oh oh oh... and now our middle kid thinks ^that's^ the way to go. So we're having to put the big time slap down on him. Teenagers... Ugh.

7. My garden is now finally 100% completely utterly dead. Even the weeds are dead. I'm kind of sad and kind of glad. I was tired of working for beans. Ha.

8. We've moved my Mom in with us to take care of her. I made her quit smoking and she's not happy with me. It's like having another kid around. It's true, old people really do regress into babies.

9. Which brings me to... why aren't old people at least cute? They're actually kind of gross. You see my friend has this theory... God made babies/kids super cute so that we keep them around and don't kill them: "Awww the baby pooped and drew on the wall with it, how cute!" Whereas teenagers are smelly and horrible so that we're ready to kick them out when the time comes: "That $#%&ing bastard came home drunk and pissed his pants, I'm going to kill him!" I've seen the scientific proof for this, so I know this theory is 1000% true. But what about old people? They have the mentaility of babies/little kids, but the gross factor & crappy attitudes of teenagers. I mean, come on... How fair is that??

10. I make the best homemade chicken pot pie ever. Ever.

11. Our 16th anniversary is coming up in November. No one thought we'd make it. Hell, I didn't even think we'd make it. But we have and I'm so glad we have. I really, really like that guy. And I truly feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I can't wait to reach all the big milestones like 25 years, 50 years... dare I hope for 75? As long as we're mentally functioning I think I can deal with our old gross selves.

12. I have to pee. So Goodnight.

©Flippa Bird
(I'm getting mail in my pen name now ~ hahaha!)
(Also, Instagram makes everything look so damn fancy.)
Pic By: Meh