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Human, Woman, Wife, Mother, Daughter, Sister, Friend & Aspiring Unicorn Breeder

12.07.2013

Walking in a Winter... Wonderland?

Have you ever had an Alice in Wonderland moment? You know, where a window in your mind suddenly slams open and through it you see your reality turned upside-down, in a completely different way. Where the narrative in your mind is spoken instead of thought, and you can hear the words your brain speaks as clearly as the words you speak aloud... where the imagery is a real as the world in front of your eyes... only none of it is perceived through your eyes or ears at all. It's in your head.

Sometimes I feel alone in that way, and I wonder, when I enter this Wonderland of vivid thought, if maybe it was too many youthful evenings spent with hallucinogenics, or maybe some of the bad things really did take their toll, or maybe the doctors were right all along and I'm just plain crazy.

It used to be, that for a little while there, I was taken down terrifying rabbit holes. My thoughts spun out of control and I spiraled into agonizing madness, only to emerge months later as if it were all a terrible, hazy dream.

But for a long while now these Wonderland moments are filled with clarity, or in the very least they add clarity to a murky situation... even when I've not even realized the situation was murky in the first place. It's almost like angels have kissed my thoughts instead of demons running amuck in there. 

At any rate, today I had one of those moments...

As I read over an email - which was sent to me by a person who is trying to assist me with a project - I began to get irritated at them for taking up my valuable time, expecting answers back quickly as if I have all the time in the world. Time?! I have no time! I have three kids. And a husband. And 4 needy animals. I clean and I cook and I drive... I basically live in my car. I need to install a shower and microwave in the damn thing because I'm in it so much, maybe even a nice fluffy bed to nap in... I have NO time! What does this person expect from me??

Time
Time
Time

A window slammed open (this particular one white with light blue flowered curtains) and the narrative began: "Silly girl," it asked in a distinctly English schoolmarm drawl, "just WHY are you being so unappreciative? Aren't YOU the one who asked for assistance in the first place?" 

Oh my.
It was right!

And just like that the window closed and blinked into nothingness and I was left alone with that thought.

I guess sometimes being a tad of kilter isn't such a bad thing after all.

Photo & MUAH By: Muah
 
"Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here."
 ~ Lewis Carroll ~

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