Seriously though, I'm a gimp. One of my legs is about an inch shorter than the other.
When I was a toddler I wore what my brother refers to as my retarded shoes: big bulky white leather boots with soles of different heights trying to help me walk because I couldn't at first for some reason.
When I was a little girl my Grandma noticed something was "off" with the way I stood & walked and she mentioned to my dad that she thought I might have scoliosis. He immediately took me to an orthopedic doctor, who refered me to an orthopedic surgeon who proceeded to measure me and X-ray me and poke and prod me.
After several (no doubt expensive) visits the doctor determined that I did not in fact have scoliosis. What I did have was one short leg. He informed my dad that I would need surgery to correct it... a surgery that would involve breaking my leg bone and having pins inserted and some kind of key to turn to stretch it out out over time and a crazy metal contraption holding it all together so that my bone could grow the length it needed to, to catch up to the other leg.
Obviously I was not enthused.
Thankfully my parents divorced shortly thereafter and my dad got involved with a new woman and forgot all about me and my gimpy leg. (Silver linings, people. Silver linings...)
So anyway, as for as long as I can remember I've been told I walk like Betty Boop... or I've been asked why I shake my booty so much when I walk.... Is it for attention? Am I trying to be sexy?
No, no, no. You see, I can't help it! My short little gimpy leg causes my hips to swing side to side in an exaggerated manner when I walk. And when I stand up straight, I never really actually stand up straight because one of my hips juts out to the side like I'm trying to be all sassy or something. It's an imperfection that I can never fix unless I have painful, expensive surgery.
Well screw that! I'd much rather embrace my imperfections.
Did you know that Marilyn Monroe is reported to have shortened the heel of only one of her shoes to achieve that sexy wiggle she is famous for? Mae West greatly exaggerated her movements when walking and wore shoes up to 8 inches tall that helped her to achieve her sexy wiggle walk...
A sexy wiggle that I happen to come by naturally.
Sexy wiggle... That sounds much better than gimpy walk, doesn't it?
My husband loves my gimpy body. He tells me all the time how sexy my curves are... that exaggerated curve in the hip I get when I stand, thanks to my gimpy leg.
And to be honest I've grown to love it too. It makes me unique. My gimpy little walk perfectly matches the cartoonish proportions of my curvy body: big old hips & thighs with itty bitty calves & ankles. I'm a living Betty Boop and proud of it!
I choose to see myself as having a sexy wiggle, not a gimpy walk, and I think it reflects onto how others see me. No one notices that I have one leg that's a lot shorter than the other, most just see a Betty Boop walk. And if they do notice my gimpy leg, who gives a shit? How I see myself is really all that matters.
So when you look at yourself and you see all of these imperfections, try flipping it around and seeing it in a different light: Your butt isn't too big, it's Jennifer Lopez luscious. You're not too tall, you're an Amazonian goddess. And honey, you are certainly not to thin-fat-hairy-short-bald-average-weird-lumpy-whatever... You're perfectly imperfect.
Embrace that shit.
Hey girl hey - Check out that smokin' hot gimpy leg!